I do not have to suffer for my success.

So often we are taught, especially as women, that unless we are dedicating every inch of our being to producing an outcome, we are lazy, inadequate or not enough. We have been socialized to believe that busy is the new black and we live in a highly performance based culture.

I know! Deep breath. A lot of not-so-fun facts in just two sentences.

Because success has nearly become synonymous with busy, taking breaks, resting, and self-care can often be mislabeled as indulgent, weak or unnecessary. Given the [often unrealistic and harsh] standards we hold ourselves to, breaks, resting and self-care are Essential—and not just once-in-a-wild-blue-moon Essential: Everyday Essential.

I used to think (to be entirely authentic, sometimes I still do) that unless my phone was ringing off the hook, I was drowning behind an inbox of unread emails and my sanity had very nearly been compromised, that I was not doing enough. That I wasn’t enough. I found myself reflecting on this recently as I made a little life transition that resulted in a quieter start to my week than usual. I suddenly found myself revisiting questions like: Are you working hard enough? Do you deserve the luxury of leisure time on a weekday?

The simple answer to those questions are: YEP and YES.

I also took a step back to consider how my definition of success has shifted over the years. It certainly is not aligned with the “social norm” and most definitely includes a feeling of balance in body, mind and spirit. Does that mean resting on your laurels? Does that mean not trying your hardest and pushing through busier than usual weeks? Nope. It means conditioning yourself to respond in stride, to find calm among the storm and to relax and recharge as soon as that storm has settled.

I write this to inspire you to consider that you can have ALL THE THINGS (and more!) without forcing, pushing, controlling, going into overdrive and/or going off the deep end. Sometimes Being rather than Doing can be more productive—and productivity aside, it turns out it’s also good for you. As Emily and Amelia Nagoski report in their new book, Burnout: Secrets to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, “…we think rest matters not because it makes you more productive, but because it makes you happier and healthier, less grumpy and more creative.” Who can argue with that notion?

And I promise: nobody is going to cut ahead of you in line. Nobody is going to steal your sunlight. Contrary to another inaccurate and self-defeating message we often receive (again, especially as women), this not a race; this is not a competition. Scarcity is a lie. There is enough sunlight to shower all of our fabulous souls.

Important take-aways:

Busy does not make you better. It just makes you busy. Putting passion and heart behind something you love is different from losing your identity to it. Rest and self-care are Essential Every Single Day. Slowing down is necessary. Being is equally as important (if not more, at times) as Doing.

So how do I do this, you ask? By giving yourself permission. Simple, but not easy. Give yourself permission to practice slowing down and dropping your old storyline. Repeat: I do not have to suffer for my success (x 1,000 throughout the day).

And as always, be gentle with yourself. This is a process like any other. Patience, lovely human.

Check out this 3-minute practice that can help you gain insight into what’s truly going on inside you—and yes, it requires slowing down and being still ;)