Body Love? We Can Work On That.

I spent years (and years) hating every inch of body. I studied that shit in the mirror, pulled it apart, wreaked havoc on my insides and impacted not only my well-being, but the well-being of everyone around me who loved me so darn much. Could I see or feel or accept that love? Nope. I was too busy focusing on my ghastly reflection to give a good god damn about anything or anyone outside of skinny skinny skinny. Yes: I know this was a coping mechanism. And yes: I know this was a symptom of massive amounts of fear that lived inside my heart. Despite the fact that eating disorders have more to do with what’s going on internally than what one’s actual body size is, I find it hard to ignore this other fact: that body size, weight, sex appeal and beauty are still very real aspects of all of our lives, pressures and ideals imposed upon us through the excessive amounts of media that are oftentimes flooding us with fuel to feed our unhealthy selves. These pressures don’t cease to exist because you’re in recovery and they don’t not exist because you’ve never been diagnosed with or don’t have an eating disorder.

So how do we learn to not just live with, but love, our whole selves? What does body love really look like, and is it achievable? I think the answer is yes-ish. Acceptance, growth and focusing our energy on other areas of our lives plays an enormous role in learning how to love our bodies. It’s also about focusing less of our energy on our reflection (which, side note: is rarely something we view through an accurate lens) and more of our energy on what we’re capable of doing with these precious vessels we’ve been offered on loan.*

*Remember: The soul is forever, my loves. The body? A temporary vessel to house our soul. I didn’t get the words Aham Brahmasmi tattooed on my skin for no good reason. The words are Sanskrit for “I am spirit soul.”

Here are 4 ways to shed some light and love on your body and every fiber of your being:

Slowly step away from the mirror. No need to pick, pull, examine, or assess every (or any) inch of your body. The less time you spend in front of the mirror, the more freedom you will have from your inner critic. I fully support a desire to look and feel good about your appearance—and this will only be achievable if you are kind to yourself. If you’re going to look, focus your attention on your eyes, your lips your hair, your adorable smile. Hey, you: You are beautiful.

Get grateful. My body works! Yep. It works! Can we celebrate that shit, please? I encourage you to do so. Rather than focusing our energy on the size of our body, let’s focus our energy, and increase our body love, by placing our attention on how strong and capable these vessels can be. Everyone’s body, with their unique kinks or special circumstances, work exactly as they are meant to.

Step outside of yourself. Ever get tired of the incessant drone of me me me me? I sure do. How about a lil’ service work, kiddo? Spend the day smiling at every person you pass, volunteer at your local geriatric home (bet they’d love to live in your youthful limbs…), or perhaps you go feed the homeless. Whatever type of service work that tickles your fancy and takes attention off of me me me me and places it upon someone else. Feed your soul with feel good activities and you’ll find yourself less wrapped up in your appearance, which coincidentally can result in a heightened sense of acceptance for, and love of, your body.

Smile at your [bullshit] stories. The inner critic can be a real pain in the ass, huh? It does us no good to engage in a back and forth dialogue with the bullshit stories our inner critic is telling us. So don’t do it! When my inner critic pipes up and starts comparing parts of me to parts of someone else, or tells me that I’m not [tall, short, fat, thin] enough, I like to scoff at that story, smile and own my truth. Laugh it off, embrace your entire being and revel in the sexy goddess (or god) that you are. Owning and accepting ALL of you is the sexiest, most badass move you can ever make.

Let’s keep it real: I don’t always love my reflection, but it has become a lot less important to me. My [insert body part here] may be bigger, and so is my life.

**Also: Who gets to decide what size of anything is sexy or best or beautiful? Who?? YOU. You get to decide.

Next time you notice yourself picking or prodding, shaming yourself, or going down a shit spiral with stories your inner critic is feeding your unhealthy-self, try out one (or all) of these skills and see how your perspective, even ever so slightly, shifts closer to love.