The truth about therapists (or at least this one)...and therapy.

I am not perfect. Phew. There. It’s been said.

What a disappointing confession this must be to those that know me well—and even those that don’t know me so well. I imagine “DUH” is the popular response to your computer screens. A Big. Fat. DUH.

Lately, I have been hearing a lot of idyllic notions about both therapists and the theraputic process. I’m here to knock us right off our potential pedestal: Therapists struggle, too. We, too, feel anxious, sad, lonely, scared and uncertain. We have suffered from heartbreak and grief, and oftentimes, we still have a lot of growing to do. If I ever stop growing, I imagine I’ll be dead because growth and learning and discovery are something I want to keep on my docket till my final breath.

I am open and fuzzy and warm and loving. And sometimes I am angry and avoidant and stuck inside a place of fear that is parading around inside my mind, disguised as my authentic truth—parading so wildly and confidently, that I actually believe it to be my truth. Sometimes I can get stuck in that space…and it sucks. I do this work not because I am living in a picture-perfect place of health, but because I know what it’s like to live in the mess. I know what it’s like to feel pain and sorrow and discomfort. I know what it’s like to feel hopeless and helpless and out of control. And guess what? Despite work inside a therapy room and lots of work outside the room as well, sometimes I still have these kinds of feelings. Therapists cry, too. A wise woman once told me that health lives in the mess. Amen, sister. Indeed it does.

Which leads us to my second point: Therapy will not fix you. Also— ya ain’t even close to broken, sweet child. As far as I’m concerned, there is no such thing.

As a therapist, my first intention is to offer you a sense of safety and security. As our relationship grows, I also hope to offer you guidance in navigating this crazy, cool, unpredictable world that can feel confusing, exciting, weird, upside down and scary. Perhaps I can offer you something you are seeking and have not been able to find in or from other adult figures in your life. I can also offer you tools to help ease the anxiety, assist with depression, calm the mind and feed the soul. The goal is not to never have anxiety or feel depressed, but to learn how to accept when these truths arise and manage the experience with more ease and grace. It’s tough stuff, kid. Though I gotta say, the work is 100% worth the effort—and I say that as both a professional who has the humbling honor of seeing the impact of this work and as a client who has been deeply moved by my relationships and raw discoveries through theraputic work.

What I can’t offer you is magic. I know! What a bummer, right? While I oftentimes have shared with my clients that I wish I had a magic wand, truth be told, I do not. And an even greater truth is that I’m glad that I don’t—we need to feel it all. We can walk through the messy stuff together. As we do this, we may be able to identify old patterns and storylines that are no longer serving you. You may even start to edit these stories. You may begin to write an entirely new chapter, or book, about your life, where the self-defeating talk takes a backseat to your more compassionate and curious self. You may experience relief, grounding, feel connected, seen and heard—truly heard. Now that I think about it, that is kind of magical.

I am not perfect. My job is not to make you perfect. It’s not to change your experiences, but instead, change the way you relate to your experiences. And even more importantly, the way that you relate to yourself. As my old time favorite Wayne Dyer would say, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Being a human can be hard. Having another human to talk about it with can be really helpful. It doesn’t have to be a therapist, but please know, you cannot do this alone. Nobody can. You can need people without being needy. And sometimes, it’s okay to be needy!

And always, always be gentle with yourself as you journey along.