Notes from the desk of Samantha Brooke

I thought I’d share a few truths I have learnt along the way, both through personal and professional experience, while trying to navigate this crazy world with a sense of ease and (maybe a little) grace. What oftentimes appeared to be epic fails turned out to be some of the greatest detours that led me to exactly—exactly—where I am meant to be. Fancy that.

Heart break sucks. Heart break is hard. Whether it’s a romantic break or a falling out with a friend or family member, it’s hard. You cannot put a time stamp on the healing process, and truly it is a grieving process. Please give yourself space and permission to feel what comes up, to talk about it as much as you need, to come up with revenge plans before the logical part of your brain gets back on board and ya realize that’s not the answer…don’t rush the healing process. It’s not meant to be brushed over and you may miss some very important growth if you do. I know it hurts. I know it’s hard. I know growth may sound like hogwash right now. That’s okay. Take gentle and slow steps forward. Maybe, today, you don’t take a step at all. That’s okay, too. This is a process. Your heart will heal. This is a process. Your heart will heal. This is a process…your heart will heal.

You’re not supposed to know what you’re doing with your life when you graduate college. Sorry to all the moms and dads reading this who likely want to fire me, but there. It’s been said. If you think for one minute your supposed to have your entire world figured out at the tender age of 21, think again sweet child. It’s OK to feel lost and scared and unsure about your next steps (…until the age of 35). Trust me, everyone does. Even the people parading around like they’ve got their shit totally straight do not have their shit totally straight. No one does. So please be gentle with yourself. This is a tough transition. You wake up one morning as a student and the next as an adult?! Utilize your resources, research, discover what fills your cup. It’s out there. And yeah, make some money to pay the bills while your doing that. I’m not co-signing anyone’s bullshit or supporting irresponsible behavior, I’m giving you permission to be confused and unsure and not feel like a freak of nature for it. You are a delightful being—you’ll find your true north. It only took me 10 years post college to find mine. Chew on that.

Your bod ain’t gonna be like that forever. So stop picking, judging, poking, restricting, comparing and fighting it, OK? If you can’t accept it, can you at least try to Respect it? Your body is gonna get saggier and wrinklier every dang year. Yup. So fun, huh? You’ll look back at what you had and wish you flaunted and embraced ALL of you while you had the chance (side note: I totally support sexy outfits on seniors- go on with your bad self). My point is, our body is a vehicle and it is not timeless— we can treat it with loving care or we can continue to damage it while we try to adhere to a beauty standard that is 100% unrealistic. I don’t know about you, but I choose the former.

Hard conversations are (always) hard. Sorry for bad news. I trembled on the phone with a friend a few weeks ago as we confronted a crossroads in our relationship. Vulnerability is scary. I wish I could tell you that you get over it after a certain age (heck, maybe I’m just not there yet). From where I’m sitting, one with a big and sensitive heart that breaks a little each day, I don’t foresee that happening. And ya know what? I welcome it. Being open and authentic and being open to receive open and authentic feedback results in deeper connection to both yourself and others. Sign me up.

Nothing outside ourselves is the answer. Not the car, not the house, not the romantic partner, not the job, career, vacation, money, degree, title, designer duds, fancy vacation. None of this will save your soul—it may nourish it for a short period of time, it may massage your ego for a little bit, but ultimately change and transformation is an inside job. Nobody and nothing outside of you can or will make it happen. Only you. Isn’t that both scary and incredibly comforting at the same time?

Fear is a MotherF**cker—you can be free. When we are living in a space of fear we feel stuck, we feel small and often, that results in suffering. I find none of these things to be appealing, and yet throughout my life, I have found myself immersed in fear, swimming in fear, being seduced and controlled by fear-based thinking. Fear is that unhealthy voice inside your head—call it ego, call it your inner critic, gremlin, monkey mind—feeding you false information about who you are, what you can do, how you can love, why you deserve love and more or less telling you that you are not enough. I call bullshit. Total bullshit. The only way to quiet the volume on fear is to raise the dial on Love. We do this by taking contrary action (feeling the fear and doing it anyway), affirmation, living in alignment with our value system, finding a tribe of people that fill our cups, feeding our soul with self-care and noticing when we are spiraling into a space of fear and choosing love instead. I don’t suggest that any of this will happen overnight, or that any of this is easy, but I know—personally—that the effort it takes is 100% worth it.

You may need to make some internal edits. Take a long, hard look at your storylines. Consider this: Are they truly yours? From the moment we pop out of the womb, we are being programmed and socialized into a small and very specific box: the gender we are assigned, the colors we are allowed to claim as our favorite, the size we should want our body to be, the kind of activities that bring us joy, the people that we are supposed to be attracted to. I encourage you to ask yourself if these storylines belong to you, and if they don’t, I encourage you to begin the beautiful, sometimes challenging, journey of beginning to discover your True Self and let go of narratives that do not serve you. Journaling may be a good place to start, talking to a trusted friend, finding a therapist, a life coach, a mentor, a support group. Guidance and support on your journey home is essential.

I know nothing. Strange way to end a list that suggests that I have something of value to share with ya’ll (I do). I like to step into each day with what Buddhist’s call a Beginner’s Mind—like a clean slate. What happened yesterday will not dictate what today will bring. Every day, we begin again. I like to remind myself that there is always So Much room for growth, transformation, learning, experiencing and feeling something totally new and untouched. The more open I am to this world and what it has to offer me, the more I receive it’s gifts. Abundance, dear ones.

I hope this short list inspires some compassionate inquiry within!