Summer of (self) love
Just a little PSA to report that it’s OK to miss some of that quarantine energy and be craving a little more space to simply Be. It’s OK to feel a little bit (or a lot a bit) overwhelmed by our return to “normalcy” (what’s that??) and to want to spend quiet time in your home, despite not being forced to do so. Ease your way in, sweet one—without any judgment about where you are at or what you might need in this moment. Your experience is yours and may look very different from your family or friends. And that, too, is totally OK.
A few small ways you can lean into loving yourself this summer:
Boundaries: A love story. I know this may seem impossibly hard, but it’s important to learn how to say no. Once you learn how to flex your “no muscle”, it will get progressively easier. There’s no rule that requires you to go to every party, event, beach day and everything in-between. Saying no to someone or something is how you learn to say Yes to you—and while initially saying no may feel scary, learning how to nurture the part of you that needs a little space and self-care is how you learn to start to love yourself and put your needs first. The funny truth about putting yourself first and learning how to nurture your own needs, is that when you do, you are that much more capable of showing up for the other people in your life that you love.
Slowly soak in new experiences. While returning to all-day outings and crowded venues may feel like a wild adventure (perhaps I should have sent this one last week, huh?), know that you are not alone in your feelings of uncertainty. Most people are feeling a little apprehensive about re-engaging with humans in real life, and it may feel (read: almost-definitely-will) a little funky at first. Just be gentle with yourself. Try to notice the “storylines” you are playing inside your head without getting caught up in them—can you take a step back and observe them without judgment? I often find playfulness and humor to be helpful: “There goes my tiny little mind, trying to take me down a rabbit hole! Not today.” Take a breath, remember that you are likely your harshest critic and that with a little risk (AKA getting back out there and creating connection and community) can come great reward. If for some reason you feel so stuck that you can’t get yourself to budge from your indoor oasis, it’s probably a good time to call a professional—know that you are not alone here, either. This is a tricky transition we are going through. Again: be kind and soft with yourself. Shit is already hard enough.
Airplane mode. I’m not talking about being up in the air, but rather as a tool to keep yourself grounded while being where you are—so you can actually Be Where You Are. Try: airplane mode, shutting off your device completely or leaving it in the car while out with yourself or with friends—listen to the trees rustle, the waves wash against the shore. People watch at a cafe. Dive into a good book. Listen to your company, look into their eyes. Trust me—you will likely find magic in any one of these moments and you won’t miss a damn ping on your phone.
Shelve the shoulds. I recently heard a lovely story of a man who eliminated one word per year from his vocabulary, starting with the word should. What if you attempted to do this for just one week? Heck, try it for one day! Consider the freedom you may experience by removing the idea of where you think you should be, what you are telling yourself you should be doing, how you should be acting…I feel a sense of ease just consider the possibility of letting go of should~ing all over myself.
Be unapologetically you. I encourage you to embrace YOU. Stop berating and beating yourself up for being anything other than spectacular, totally imperfect, fun, weird, quirky, cool and totally uncool you. You’re a gem. Just the way you are. And if someone doesn’t appreciate that, perhaps they are not a member of your tribe. Your true soulmates will love the flawed and fucked up version of you—cause that’s all of us. We are all beautiful and flawed and trying to figure it out Every Single Day. Let this be the summer of saying yes to You—and only You can know what that looks like and what that means. Go get ‘em, tiger.
Wear sunscreen: Yep. I said it. Just do it. I guarantee you will thank me later. May be the best piece of guidance I have ever shared!
Resources
If you find yourself saying, “OK, Samantha, but how do I really start to make shift happen?,” I’m hoping that these resources will give you some additional encouragement and guidance on your journey. Happy travels, darling!
On boundaries….
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
Boundaries: How to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud
On social anxiety/returning to the “real” world…
10% Happier Episode #357: Strategies for Social Anxiety
*Dan Harris did an entire series on taming anxiety- this is just one of four episodes on the topic
On stepping into a greater sense of self, and self-love….
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
*It happens to be the 10th anniversary of the publication and she’s featuring a 6 part series on her podcast Unlocking Us exploring the book. Worth a listen—especially if this gem if new to you.
You Are a Bad Ass by Jen Sincero
*I will always love this one because it’s an easy read, Jen doesn’t take herself too seriously (at all), and it hits HARD on the importance of self-love.
Life Examined podcast: In an episode recently recorded, Jonathan Bastian interviews psychologist and Buddhist teacher Tara Brach. She offers insight into the benefits of resourcing ourselves, including the use of meditation and self-compassion, and shares about her own journey, too. A wonderful reminder that we are always becoming who we are and nobody has got this being a human thing completely down.
On needing a little more…
Psychology Today This is a wonderful resource for finding a local therapist. Look around, read bios, check out costs (consider working with an associate if you are looking for a lower fee) and if possible, schedule a free consult. A relationship with a therapist is like any other—you need chemistry. Be choosy! You deserve to get your needs met.
On suncreen…Buy some!