Love yourself hard. Here's how.
So many times I hear “Where do I begin? How do I work toward loving, or even liking myself?” Good questions. And while the answers are simple, applying them is not always easy. Many of us have been telling ourselves the same shitty messages about ourselves for so long, that it’s challenging to imagine “subscribing” to any other narrative. However, let me ask you this: Do you think the first time someone told you that you weren’t good enough, you automatically believed it? Do you think the first time you received the message (be it from media, family system, a bully) that your body wasn’t small enough, that you held on to it as your truth? Likely not. It took time for these negative stories to become part of your fabric, to become the belief system you adhere to that is now limiting you from your full potential*.
*My definition of full potential: truly, deeply, authentically loving yourself. Without reservation and with every fiber of your being. What will this full potential bring into your life? Joy, abundance, love, peace, gratitude, more love, light, strength, courage, compassion for self and others and…yep: more love.
It took time for these limiting beliefs to put you in this chokehold that is now keeping you stuck. So it’s going to take time, and work, to invite a new, loving narrative into your life as you begin to let go of these old stories—that, let’s be honest: were NEVER really your stories to begin with. They were someone else’s stories projected on to you—and, like most humans, you began to “wear” these stories, get comfy with them—adapt them as your own. I call bullshit! It’s time to do rewrite our narrative.
To circle back to the question at hand, how do I begin to love, or even like myself? And for many, the next question I hear: How do I start to value myself for what’s within, rather than focusing on the size of body?
Here’s where we begin: Self-care. Start to take gentle, loving care of yourself. I’m talking day to day actions that make you feel good and empower you throughout your week.
Try starting your day with a 2-5 minute morning meditation. Before you reach for your phone, be still. See how it feels to give yourself space to breathe and just be before you get into that all-too-familiar doing mode. We are bombarded with unwanted messages all day, every day. Consider a silent pause—just for you—before the chaos begins.
Make your get-clean-routine fun. Proper hygiene may seem obvious to some, but when you’re feeling low, showering can be arduous task. Buy yourself scented shampoo or body wash that gets you excited about the process. Try luxuriating in a bath once a week with lavender scented epsom salts. Light a candle, put your favorite slow jam playlist on—feel the healing vibes.
If you can swing a massage, acupuncture, or a visit to a spa, go for it. And if you can’t? Sometimes I say go for it anyway. Of course, if you’re struggling to pay your bills, do that first—while it is a less exciting form of self-care, that is undoubtedly self-care, too. However, if you’re not struggling and notice that you’re holding on to your money with a tighter grip than a baby to his mama’s boob at feeding time, than we may have a problem. I encourage you to check out Lynee Twist talking to Oprah about 3 of the biggest money myths. It may be a jump-start to shifting your relationship with that green stuff.
Affirm and validate your experience in the here and now. We don’t need to bullshit ourselves. We can honor our current experience while simultaneously acknowledging that we are striving for something different. That can look something like:
Even though I feel uncomfortable, I know I am taking right action and I will see results.
I honor my pain, and in doing so, I am beginning to shift my experience and feel at peace.
I am learning how to love and accept my body. I appreciate what my body is capable of and I will treat it with respect.
When I was healing and navigating my own way through negative self-talk, I had a wall of affirmations, inspiring images and loving sentiments from friends and family (I actually wrote an email to those closest to me and asked for what I needed. That was one of the first times I ever asked for someone to outwardly show up for me. It was vulnerable and it was worth every inch of discomfort. Ask for what you need.). There was one image I had of a book with rainbow-colored lettering on the open pages. It read: “You are not alone and this is not the end of your story.” I still have that image hanging on my refrigerator.
This is not the end of your story—this is only the beginning. This is the beginning of a shift into a space of self-care, the first step to learning how to truly love yourself. Implementing even one of these self-care suggestions into your routine is a great start. Please keep in mind that this is a process. Treat yourself with ease—forming healthy habits takes time. If you meditate one morning and forget to do it again for 3 days (or weeks!), that’s totally fine. Simply begin again. With ease and compassion, begin again.
Loving yourself starts here. I support you in your decision to seek out something better for yourself. You deserve it.