Small shifts can lead to big change.
Need a little life hack? Yeah, me too.
Our bodies, minds and souls can use anything (within reason, of course) to add some light and joy to the gloomy reality that we are currently calling life.
This is hard.
Don’t beat yourself up if you’re struggling or teetering on the edge of a breakdown (who, me??). And certainly do not beat yourself up if you find that this is a space in which you can thrive—wherever you are, and whatever you are feeling, it is OKAY. There is no shame in anyone’s game. The intention is to embrace the space you are in (I know—embrace sounds way too flowery and I don’t want to do it either!) and lean into patience and acceptance.
I’ve been asked how I do it, and so I’ve decided to share a little bit about that here. My authentic truth? I don’t always do it. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I let out a little scream in my car before I hit the road in the morning (a tool I 100% endorse and do recommend to others). Sometimes I swim in the suck before I get out of the murky water. And guess what? I don’t judge myself in the process. Just as I know this time in our lives will pass (it will sweet humans, it will), so will my feelings of Fuck This. And every time, they do. And likely a lot more quickly than they would if I had berated or beat myself up for feeling what I feel.
One tool that I’ve been finding to be a constant source of support through these past several months is meditation. Most recently, I’ve been finding tonglen practice and metta, or loving-kindness, meditation to be soothing balms for my body, mind and soul. A little insight into both practices below.
Tonglen practice: Tonglen is Tibetan for 'giving and taking' (or sending and receiving), and is a meditation practice found in Tibetan Buddhism. The practice is simple, though can initially sound counterintuitive—or at least it did to me. The informal practice offers us a way to connect with our own suffering and to the suffering of others. We do this by [imagining ourselves] breathing in darkness/suffering, and breathing out healing or light. As Pema Chodron so eloquently explains, tonglen is “a method for awakening the compassion that is inherent in all of us...” For more insight from Pema on both “on the spot” and formal tonglen practice, check this out.
I had read Pema speak of this practice for years before trying it myself—because again, I could not imagine why I would want to actively choose to breathe in suffering?! But alas, when I dropped the judgment and assumptions around what this would look and feel like, I discovered something I found to be highly effective. I experience a sense of lightness following tonglen—a heaviness has been lifted from my heart. When I breathe healing into the air, I feel as though I am spreading a sense of sacred energy out into the world. And let’s be real: this world needs all the healing energy it can get.
Metta Meditation: While there is tons of research on the positive impacts that a loving-kindness practice can have on our lives, one of my favorite pieces of research shows that engaging in this practice can actually quiet the “me center” of the brain (otherwise known as the default mode network, or DMN). What does this mean? By beginning a metta practice, you can deactivate the part of your brain that is obsessively focused on self. In metta, you use loving phrases that you direct toward yourself, others (those close to you, acquaintances, and even a more challenging person, if that feels safe for you). A personal favorite for me is practicing metta on-the-go. While taking a hike or standing online at the grocery store, you can shift your internal dialogue (which may currently look something like: planning, preparing, panicking, overly focusing on me me me me me) to a peaceful and grounding experiencing of sending loving-kindness to each person you pass or all the people lined up in front of you. Trust me: it feels really good, and as research suggests, it’s gets you right out of your own way. Check out how to start your own practice here.
On my highly recommended list for those seeking more on meditation:
Google Tara Brach, Sharon Salzberg (the queen of metta if you ask me), Jack Kornfield and Joseph Goldstein for starters.
Download InsightTimer and be blown away, but not overwhelmed, by the thousands of options for all levels, lengths and likes of meditation. If you’re just beginning, this is great place to start!
For podcasts: Ten Percent Happier and Tara Brach
And with that, my friends…
May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you please be safe. And may you live your life with ease.